We all would like to think that we can know someone intimately, in such a way that we can predict what sort of actions are consistent with their character, and what actions are completely contradictory. I can say with a significant amount of confidence that my best friend is completely incapable of intentionally hurting someone; there may be some who will say the same about me. We make character judgments all the time, as if it is entirely possible to reach the end of a person, and know everything he or she is capable of.
I'm not so sure I believe that anymore.
If I could spend a significant amount of time getting to know someone -- an entire day, a week, six months, a full year -- and feel as if I truly know them, the only rational conclusion I can make is that that person has no depth. You can anticipate a person's reactions and even finish their sentences, but there are some aspects of everyone's lives that they tend to keep to themselves. Everyone has secrets. Everyone has their dark moments. Different circumstances can bring out a side to someone you love that you never thought you'd see. I don't believe it's possible to know someone completely.
In all brutal honesty, I don't think I'd want to know someone (other than God) who knows me that well. I would be horrified to even know myself that well. I don't want to know the evil I am capable of, the decisions I could make in the future that may completely contradict the values I have now.
What are the factors that determine how well we can know one another? Is it time? Proximity? The way we act around others? How many facets can be attached to a single human life?
This is what I love and hate about biographies. All my favorite historical figures have been dead for centuries; all that is available for me to 'know' them are the words of historians, and each one takes a different view of a person's life and accomplishments. The only way to represent your identity in a way that is accurate is if you write your own life story (which is what I am in the process of doing...very, very slowly...).
If you don't, better be prepared for people to completely misunderstand everything you want to be known for.
You will not be able to know me, or anyone, just by looking at my book collection.
You will not know me by the contents of my iPod or my poetry.
You will not even think you know me by my religious beliefs.
I don't know the best way to get to know anyone. But all I know for sure is that no one remains static and unchanging. You can never really be surprised by the things that people do, and the choices that they make, because everyone is capable of anything.
I enjoyed this observation, and your fourth paragraph got me thinking more -- It's true, only God knows us inside and out completely. He knows the parts of us that make us shudder to think of and we like to pretend don't exist.
ReplyDeleteBut to me, the kicker is that he LOVES US ANYWAY. He might not be so in love with everything we do, but us, ourselves, our flaws, our dark, hidden marks, he loves those beyond the love we can imagine, let alone experience.
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But closer to your original topic, I also personally enjoy not knowing everything about people. To me, it's what makes friendship so incredible. Every moment I spend with people I've known my whole life is filled with just as many surprises as moments I spend with people I've only known for a few minutes. Yes, not every surprise is pleasant, but what good would pleasant surprises be if it wasn't for unpleasant ones?
Enjoyed the post and look forward to reading more!
-Caleb Ference
"The only way to represent your identity in a way that is accurate is if you write your own life story (which is what I am in the process of doing...very, very slowly."
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned your life story. If you're going to write it for the public or an audience, there may be times when you sometimes omit things you don't want known to the public, consciously or subconsciously. Although you said you want to write your life story, it won't be complete unless EVERYTHING is put in. If it is not accurate, it is not a true life story and just a snapshot. You need the full compilation album, so to speak in music terms, not just a greatest hits collection.
It was a thought-provoking post.
I don't know if a similar comment went up, but that was me trying to post under a different name and my google account.