Craziness > Passiveness

First convicting thought of the summer: What am I doing in my life right now that requires faith? It's an uncomfortable question, definitely not something I can answer right off the top of my head. The truth is, I'm not entirely sure. There have been instances in my life where I've been so desperate that I had no choice but to do things God's way instead of mine, because my own ways of doing things kept ending in failure. But living in faith on a regular basis? Now that is a challenge.

One thing that has been made clear to me in the first opening days of LT is that so much of religion has been made out to be a list of do's and don'ts. I can definitely explain the things I know I'm "not supposed to do" as a Christian better than the things that I should. When you're religious, you give to charity, treat others the way you'd like to be treated, and basically be a "good person." But the list of things you should NOT do is much longer: Don't lie. Don't steal. Don't have sex if you aren't married. Don't hold on to anger. Don't forget to read the Bible regularly. Don't breathe too loudly in church (just kidding).

With a mentality like that, it's no wonder that so many people give up on God. But the ones that are so passionate, the ones that go above and beyond what even other church-goers consider to be "normal" religious behavior are not considered devout, but crazy.

Now I'm well aware that there are plenty of insane people who happen to be religious. I'm talking about those with a warped agenda like Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church, or that pastor in Florida who wanted to burn the Koran in protest of building a mosque on Ground Zero. But when I think of "crazy" in the well-meaning, hungry-for-authenticity-over-passivity kind of way, I think of people who treat God the way they'd treat someone they're in love with. Someone you can't stop thinking about, someone you can't wait to spend time with.

That's a kind of passion not many people understand. The question I have for those who describe themselves as believers is this: How is your faith changing your life? Your attitude? Your behavior? If it isn't doing that, if it's just something you do on Sundays only...without intending to be disrespectful or "high and mighty," I would like to know what the point is then?

I feel like a giant hypocrite writing such a convicting post when I myself can barely answer any of the questions I've just asked. But, as I have mentioned before, I am in Colorado to be challenged, so every time I start to feel consumed by all my problems of self, I'll just look out the window at the mountains to remember how small I am (figuratively and physically) :).

I am so far from where I think I should be, but if I waited until I completely cleaned up my life I'd never get anything done, so I'll just take my screwed-up, insecure, lonely little self out from under the covers and see how God will change me this summer. This much I know: I won't return to Ohio exactly the same as I was before :D

This summer, I wanna learn to be a crazy person.