Remembrance is key

This summer is going to go by fast, so I need to do a quick re-cap of all the incredible, yet unlikely things that happened during my first year in the post-college "real world," which I expected to be stressful and boring. In the last nine months, I can count the following blessings I never thought possible:

1. Joshua
2. A renewed desire to give on-campus outreach a try, which I swore I'd never do (and had I not done that, I never would have bumped into Blessing #1 above...)
3. My book!
4. Finding a place to live for only $300 per month
5. Dad offering to pay my rent for my first year (!!!)
6. Scholarship for Denver
7. Good, steady job

I'm sure I could go on for a while. This list amazes me, because I am usually such a worrier about everything. Some of my worries are significant, like financial ones, and others are so trivial they aren't worth describing. Regarding the financial ones, I had every reason to be concerned. I've had 4 jobs in the last 9 months, and none but the last one have been able to give me full time hours. I didn't trust God AT ALL with my money situation, because money is tangible, and God is...well, not. I didn't understand how God could provide in that way. I really put his abilities in a box.

Looking at this short list of blessings, though, it's like he's saying to me "Why couldn't you trust me? Told you I'd come through." Makes me feel silly for doubting so much. If I can remember my fear during those months, and how those concerns were taken care of in spite of that, why should I worry about anything else left hanging?

While a significant part of me is sad that I will soon be leaving h2o, my first home church, I know that this is right. The last sermon of the semester was about remembrance, and how it affects our walk with God. Remembrance is huge for me because if I didn't remember all the crappy stuff I dealt with just one year ago, none of the current gifts I've received would mean as much.

And while I'm happy to know for sure that Denver is the school for me, it still stings a little that I never heard back from BU. That probably makes no sense, in light of the fact that I did spend several months praying for a sign to know which school was the right one...but still, I wrote the admissions people an email saying that it was extremely disappointing to have not been given the courtesy of a rejection letter. I was also tempted to include "And please do something about the epidemic of rape culture on your campus!" but that might have been too much, so I didn't.

It's easy to have joy when there's much to look forward to. Sometimes it's a fight to remember that joy and happiness are two different things, but for now, I am grateful to have both.