To make beautiful things out of dust

Not gonna lie...I wasn't nearly as excited for this year's "Women's Weekend" as my other female church friends were. Why? Because I remember how much I cried at last year's. Don't let the promotional videos fool you; it's not all giggling and pillow fighting and junk food gorging (although there was plenty of all those things, but that's not the point).

The point is for the women of h2o to have their one little getaway to learn from older, wiser women about struggles that are, well, relevant to being Christian women in the 21st century. Actually, the theme this year could be applicable to men as well, but we don't have to tell them that ;) This year we talked about the Waiting Period that the Old Testament writers referred to as a desert. For us it's a spiritual desert, but for them it was literal...we've heard of how the the Jews spent 40 years wandering, yearning for what was promised to them...what God promises to all of us is a life of purpose if we follow him. But, he never promises it will be an easy, hassle-free experience.

Last year's Women's Weekend, I bawled so much my stomach hurt. I was convicted after listening to the speaker's struggle to reclaim her identity after struggling with an unhealthy relationship, both spiritually and emotionally. It was a moment where I realized, once and for all, that I needed to make some changes in my life. It was the weekend I met one of my best friends, a girl who listened to my sob story even though she didn't know me that well, and let me crash on her couch at 1 in the morning on a school night when I finally understood what I had to do...it was my turn to break free.

It was one of the hardest, yet most necessary things I've ever done, even harder than telling my Jewish parents in Israel of all places that I've become a Christian.

I do not regret leaving for a single second. I only regret the time that was wasted believing that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or whatever enough to be loved. I learned this all of last year, and it was reinforced at Women's Weekend 2012: That is a lie straight from Satan himself, and as the father of lies, he makes up that crap from his own resources. I didn't realize just how offensive it was to God himself to look in the mirror and hate the person staring back at me. It's like insulting someone's personal artwork, telling them that a blind 2 year old could do better. And yet, this is what I believed about myself for far too long.

It has been a year since I made all these changes. I am not done growing yet. I am not done healing yet. But by the grace of God, I am making so, so much progress.

That friend that I met at Women's Weekend last year? She sent me a link to a tumblr called Project Unbreakable. Using art and photography, this amazing site gives people a chance to "take the power back of the words that were once used against them." The result is breath-taking. I decided to submit a photo of my own, and given how many photos they must receive, I don't expect them to publish mine any time soon, so I'm putting it here:

After sharing my testimony so many times during Leadership Training this summer, I think I'm at a point where I can do so without falling apart. I want to use my life as a witness for the glory God has done in my life, and to let other people know that they never have an excuse to be hopeless. A song by Gungor says "You make beautiful things out of the dust" and it's true. Being crippled is a state of mind. We are not defined by our circumstances. Adversity is often the very foundation that gives meaning to our lives.

But it's something you have to choose. And you have to allow God to surprise you in ways you might never expect. Don't believe me, well, my life is proof.