More reflections on what I'm learning from volunteering, and moving beyond my own past experiences.
I'm not sure how I feel about the term "Slutwalks," because I think there are some derogatory words that have too much stigma attached to be "taken back." But I support the purpose behind them. I've been giving this recent movement a lot of thought lately after the last training session at the crisis center. We were given a list of common scenarios where women (and sometimes men) are assaulted...and society will insist they were "asking for it." We advocates were assigned the task of labeling each scenario on a scale of 1 to 10 as far as personal responsibility is concerned: 1 being not at all responsible, and 10 being completely responsible.
There was a description of a drunk girl at a fraternity party. A woman walking home alone in a short skirt. Another woman who was assaulted by a couple who picked her up while hitch-hiking, and more.
I admit that I hesitated for many of these. Some answers seemed obvious...clearly, a drunk girl is not capable of consenting to sex. But the woman who hitch-hiked? Don't we all know that hitch-hiking is dangerous? Didn't that woman walking home alone know to use the buddy system?
Ultimately, the common denominator in each of these scenarios is this: that no victim deserved what she got. It seemed unlikely at first that each of these situations should be looked at under the same lens. But then I asked myself, how many times have I made decisions that put my safety at risk? How many times have you done that? Or dared to let your guard down around someone you happen to trust? Does every person who makes an unwise decision deserve to get raped or assaulted for it? What about those who had good reason to never see it coming?
I'm not concerned with the mentality of the people who drink around strangers, dress provocatively, or sleep around. What concerns me more is why this culture seems to have more sympathy for victims of murders and robberies than victims of rape and sexual assault. Why are those last two crimes put in an isolated "You should have known better" category?
We spend so much time telling young girls to always guard their drinks, to watch how they dress, how much they flirt. We tell them "Don't get raped!" instead of telling men "Don't rape!" Why is there not nearly as much emphasis on telling would-be assailants to keep their hands and genitals to themselves? It's a basic rule of kindergarten, to not touch what doesn't belong to you.
I think the biggest shame is that many of the "slut shamers" happen to be women who are just as much at risk themselves, whether they go out in short skirts or thick trenchcoats. The blame for sexual assault belongs solely on the person who commits it, and anyone who says otherwise would surely think differently if it happened to them.
I was one of those "It can't happen to me" women. And that is how my ministry began.
To be continued...
at the beginning of undergrad someone actually told most of the freshmen that. They told women to be cautious be aware and told men not to rape. They said that along with telling everyone that we all could be raped and we should all be aware of our surroundings anyway. I'm glad you have such a nice view of how no one deserves to be raped and how no one "had it coming" or what not. I've always felt that way sure women who wear low cut tops and what not are asking for attention to their breasts but it doesn't mean they don't deserve respect. She should be treated just like someone who is wearing a turtle neck. I like to be covered up but it upsets me that some men think that women who dress so skimpy "deserve it" or "had it coming" just because they don't mind showing off what they have doesn't mean you should treat them as an object.
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