Dying of thirst by the side of the fountain

So I just got back from another awesome fall retreat with my church, where the theme was why truth matters: this "truth" being who we are, who we were created to be, and how the lies the world tells about what we need to have a secure identity impact the way we live.

It's not like we don't know that the mechanisms used in advertising are often harmful: it's always assumed that you can never lose too much weight, never have teeth that are too white, never have hair that's too shiny, and if you don't have these things, you're not worth as much as someone who does. Someone else's success is often the catalyst for someone else's harm. I don't stop and wonder often enough how truly damaging it is to just take in these messages so quickly, and believe the truth in those more than the truth God says about me: that I'm unique, fearfully and purposefully made. I give so much lip service to that truth without really, truly believing it. Why is that?

I have to assume that the speaker, Tammy Smith (whose book Soul Healing has changed my former roommate's life, so she tells me) was partly motivated by anger as well as passion to make a career out of speaking on this topic. It must be frustrating, maybe even infuriating, to know that so many people are wasting their lives trying to look or become like something they simply weren't meant to be.

Many people go through their whole lives never figuring out where their true gifts lie because they're too busy copying other people's. God had something specifically in mind for every person he created, he's the only one who can truly fulfill a person's hunger for love, and yet so many people just don't realize it. It's like 90% of the world is dying of thirst by the side of the fountain, and it's such a senseless tragedy. Who wouldn't feel angry knowing that?

Sitting in that session, I realized something obvious: I can't afford to live a wasted life. And yet...I have, by holding on to misplaced anger. Anger over things that I can't change. I can't go back and re-live the day I met the person who is the cause of almost every insecurity I have today...it's over, it's done. So what am I doing about it now?

I hope that one day, as all that anger fades and I experience true joy again, that I'll still remember the hurt I once felt, and never ever forget it, because there will still be countless men and women trapped where I once was...and just remembering that dark pit I once lived in, even if I'm not living in it anymore, is what will make my message genuine. The fight against the enemy's lies is vicious, ugly, and painful, but I can't think of anything else more worthy to do with my life than that.

I want to be someone who remembers what God says is true about me even on days when I hate the way I look and don't want to go outside; on days when I feel fat and bloated and cranky and PMS-y and no one wants to be around me. Moods fluctuate, trends change, but my identity in Christ should not. And the sooner I start living like I truly believe this, the sooner I can be of use to help other people see the futility of chasing satisfaction in temporary things that will only let them down.

What true joy looks like...pretending to be five years old again on a swing set, where grad school applications and the stresses of job hunting are far, faaaar away...