A huge step forward

Well I'm a little late in posting this, since I was overwhelmed with giddyness about Fall Getaway. But now, I'm all caught up on the "Got Consent" Facebook page and this article marks the beginning of a new era.

"The Uniform Crime Report Subcommittee voted unanimously to change the definition of rape, which had not been changed for 80 years (!) and rape will now be defined as, “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”

To put it in simple terms: by changing the official definition of rape, more rapes will be officially counted, thereby allowing more resources to be targeted towards prevention and prosecution."

While this is a change that is absolutely necessary, I can't help but think about the new can of worms that has just been opened. Rape is extremely difficult to prove in many cases as it is, especially within the context of intimate relationships. I could be wrong about this, but I would assume that with non-intercourse rapes, there would be less evidence to collect in a rape kit...which could make for a more difficult case to take to trial.

This is not to say that these other forms of assault should not be reported...but based on the research I've done, newspaper articles I've read, and talks with a few friends who work and/or volunteer at domestic violence clinics, I have very little faith that the current justice system actually delivers in many of these cases...not that I can really blame it entirely. If there's not enough evidence, there's not enough evidence...and I do believe that it is a better alternative to let a guilty person walk free than place a potentially innocent one behind bars.

Now that the legal definition of rape has been expanded, I can only hope that more people, men and women alike, will educate themselves and understand that the extent to which a person is violated doesn't really matter. What matters is that no one has the right to defile what is not rightfully theirs. Humans do not belong to each other, our bodies are not commodities to be used at anyone's disposal. We do not value them enough.

This isn't completely related, but thought-provoking nonetheless:

Dying of thirst by the side of the fountain

So I just got back from another awesome fall retreat with my church, where the theme was why truth matters: this "truth" being who we are, who we were created to be, and how the lies the world tells about what we need to have a secure identity impact the way we live.

It's not like we don't know that the mechanisms used in advertising are often harmful: it's always assumed that you can never lose too much weight, never have teeth that are too white, never have hair that's too shiny, and if you don't have these things, you're not worth as much as someone who does. Someone else's success is often the catalyst for someone else's harm. I don't stop and wonder often enough how truly damaging it is to just take in these messages so quickly, and believe the truth in those more than the truth God says about me: that I'm unique, fearfully and purposefully made. I give so much lip service to that truth without really, truly believing it. Why is that?

I have to assume that the speaker, Tammy Smith (whose book Soul Healing has changed my former roommate's life, so she tells me) was partly motivated by anger as well as passion to make a career out of speaking on this topic. It must be frustrating, maybe even infuriating, to know that so many people are wasting their lives trying to look or become like something they simply weren't meant to be.

Many people go through their whole lives never figuring out where their true gifts lie because they're too busy copying other people's. God had something specifically in mind for every person he created, he's the only one who can truly fulfill a person's hunger for love, and yet so many people just don't realize it. It's like 90% of the world is dying of thirst by the side of the fountain, and it's such a senseless tragedy. Who wouldn't feel angry knowing that?

Sitting in that session, I realized something obvious: I can't afford to live a wasted life. And yet...I have, by holding on to misplaced anger. Anger over things that I can't change. I can't go back and re-live the day I met the person who is the cause of almost every insecurity I have today...it's over, it's done. So what am I doing about it now?

I hope that one day, as all that anger fades and I experience true joy again, that I'll still remember the hurt I once felt, and never ever forget it, because there will still be countless men and women trapped where I once was...and just remembering that dark pit I once lived in, even if I'm not living in it anymore, is what will make my message genuine. The fight against the enemy's lies is vicious, ugly, and painful, but I can't think of anything else more worthy to do with my life than that.

I want to be someone who remembers what God says is true about me even on days when I hate the way I look and don't want to go outside; on days when I feel fat and bloated and cranky and PMS-y and no one wants to be around me. Moods fluctuate, trends change, but my identity in Christ should not. And the sooner I start living like I truly believe this, the sooner I can be of use to help other people see the futility of chasing satisfaction in temporary things that will only let them down.

What true joy looks like...pretending to be five years old again on a swing set, where grad school applications and the stresses of job hunting are far, faaaar away...

Inexcusable excuses, part 2

One of the reasons I rarely go to see "chick flicks" anymore (besides the ridiculous jacked up prices of movie tickets) is because of the same objectifying material that is recycled over and over again. Consider the stereotypical female protagonist: a self-sufficient and obviously attractive woman who, for reasons us average women cannot understand, just can't seem to find the right man.

Cue the stereotypical male antagonist: a beer-guzzling, skirt-chasing sleezebag who sleeps with anything that moves. And every viewer knows, even before the opening credits finish, that these two archtypes will somehow end up together. The best, most current example of this ridiculousness is The Ugly Truth, with Katherine Heigl and Gerard Butler.

The lack of originality is actually the least of my frustrations: it's the never-ending cycle of dehumanizing rhetoric, and the expectation that eventually, the so-called "strong, independent" woman will give in to it. It's all a part of my new fascination: rape culture. Consider how many times you've heard remarks like these:

"I'm going to make it with her."

"Tonight's the night I'm going to score."

"What a piece of meat."

Pretty commonplace, right? Consider these statistics as well:

One in twelve male students surveyed had committed acts that met the legal definitions of rape or attempted rape.

84 percent of those men who committed rape said that what they did was definitely not rape. (http://www.aaets.org/arts/art13.htm)

For the record, I'm well aware that men think about sex. A lot (as do women). Being tempted is not wrong. Wanting sex is not wrong. What is inexcusable, however, is the acceptance of women being treated as commodities or prizes. I don't know why, in this day and age, it is socially acceptable for men to think that way. It's inexcusable that there are men who resort to coercive tactics to get what they want, truly believing that as long as they aren't using excessive force, they aren't actually committing a crime.

This may leave many people wondering, how exactly does a guy know when a woman is giving consent? Well honestly, a guy should know a woman well enough to know what she wants and what she doesn't want. And if he doesn't, well...consider it an incentive to actually get to know a woman before deciding to sleep with her. Sure, it takes time, but it's a better alternative to being labeled a sex offender.

The more I research this, the more convinced I am that this is the direction I am meant to go as a chaplain (assuming that's still what I want to do once I get my Masters in divinity). I don't know if women's clinics/counseling centers for abuse survivors are in need of counselors in the clergy, but I am so sick of seeing women trying to find their identities in men, even if those men fail to treat them as the daughters of God that they really are. The lies this world will believe just break my heart. I am making it my mission to do something about it.

Inexcusable excuses

Most women I know have heard these warnings at some point in their lives: Always guard your drink at parties. Don't lead a guy on by wearing a short skirt. Never walk alone at night.

And just about everyone has heard this expression: "Boys will be boys" (and curiously, there is no established age limit on "boys," as if some men are incapable of growing up).

This dichonomy has become a fascination to me lately. The above warnings may come from a well-intentioned place, but they are misguided. They seem to imply that a woman could be partially responsible for being assaulted or harassed. Yet in this culture, men are excused, to an extent, for disrespectful behavior because they're supposedly wired to be perverts.

If I were a guy, I'd be highly offended by the implication that my brain is located next to my balls. And yet, so many men revel in it, because it's such a convenient fallback. If society conditions men to be slaves to their hormones, then how can they ever be taken seriously as intelligent, moral human beings? Furthermore, if the woman is always blamed for somehow "provoking" unwanted attention to herself, then what is she expected to do...never go out in public, or dress like she time-traveled from the 18th century if she does?

The way I see it, we are asking the wrong questions. We need to stop questioning women's wardrobe choices, implying that it's a justification for assault or harassment. We need to stop asking why they find themselves in compromising situations with men who want to take advantage of them. It's one thing to miscalculate the risk, especially if alcohol is involved; it's completely another to have specific boundaries, and be unfairly blamed if those boundaries are crossed without consent.

Conversely, we should ask ourselves why we have made it acceptable for men to "rate" women based on sex appeal, and to treat them as trophies or conquests. And furthermore, why are women deemed slutty for doing the exact same thing?

There is something wrong with our sexual ethics is we continue to justify these attitudes. We are missing crucial opportunities to respect and learn about both sexes if the perpetrators of this blatant rape culture are written off as nothing more than "jerks," while their female targets are typically assumed to be temptresses.

Funny how I have a laundry list of reasons why certain aspects of feminism are damaging to women (not to mention that someone once told me I couldn't be a feminist because I'm also against abortion), but this is one issue I've grown passionate about lately, and I can't sit back and accept that this is simply "the way things are."

Okay, end rant. In other news, feel free to ooh and aah over these new puppies my family is adopting:

Names, as of now, are still TBA.