Thursday, June 16, 2011

Spilling your guts on a mountain top

I'll come out and say it: I want to be famous. Not can't-shop-for-toilet-paper-without-paparazzi-snapping-my-picture kind of famous, though. More like "well known for doing some awesome" kind of famous. Maybe I have some talents, but they aren't anything that the world has never seen before. Maybe I can get some money off of them someday. But when it comes down to it, what I really want is to be famous because I believe I have a story to tell.

I'd like to think I'm funny and pun-ny and maybe some people will say that I am (sometimes I try a little too hard to be that way). There's lots of qualities I have or wish I had when it comes to making lasting impressions, but I am a character in something much bigger than what I am capable of imagining, and my quirky testimony is a brief chapter in it.

I was so nervous and I thought I might puke, because being vulnerable in front of crowds isn't something I do often...but what I love most about "life stories" is that there's almost always something in them that relates to other people's lives as well. I'm grateful to have had the chance to share mine, even if it meant violating a social rule of not telling random people all your junk. Churches are weird because they're supposed to function like families, even if I can never remember the name of the person sitting next to me each week.

It's almost like a trend at LT to be open and honest about your struggles, which is extremely intimidating, but altogether necessary for spiritual growth (so I've heard). Can growth and change be happening even if I can't see/feel it yet? I have 2 more months to figure that out...
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3 comments:

  1. Jennifer FeldmanJune 17, 2011 at 5:33 PM

    Growth is happening even when we are unconscious of it. It is also happening even when we feel like we're not growing in God at all.

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  2. 3elovedJune 17, 2011 at 8:03 PM

    I find it ironic that I told you today how I could see you growing...

    and I had not read this yet.

    I guess that's your answer. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. joshJune 23, 2011 at 5:40 PM

    The only way to overcome stage fright is to keep getting out there and putting yourself in the spotlight. With time, it will come easier. The only way you're gonna face your fears is if you keep getting up after being sacked and you keep delivering the ball where it should be, to use a football analogy. :)

    As a future priest, I will have to deal with large crowds and whatnot. Although people tell me it comes easy, some days it does not, and there are days I want to just chill and talk to a few people. Not the entire parish.

    If you're comfortable telling people your life story, that's great! IF that life story has a function related to why you're at the retreat, its more than appropriate.

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