A Smorgasbord of Life Lessons

"Those He uses greatly, He wounds deeply."

This quote has been on my mind all day today. The seminar from last night was probably the most convicting one so far, because it hit so close to what I'm going through now. It always amazes me that the same attributes of God that draw so many to him can also push so many people away.

There are many people who are disturbed at the idea of a being that is supposed to be loving allowing awful things to happen, and then there are those who see discipline as a sincere act of love. I have heard the metaphor of God being a parental-like figure before, but the idea of parents not loving their children if they refuse to discipline them is interesting to me. No one likes being disciplined, and everyone has different ideas of what proper discipline should be.

I don't think experiencing pain that comes with life is the same as being disciplined, but it all ties in with why God allows bad things to happen in the first place. You would think that it pains him to see his children suffer, and I do believe it does...but when you throw your whole heart into loving someone, you also have to accept the pain that comes with it. And there is always pain in some degree. People we love let us down without meaning to all the time. That isn't cynicism, it's reality.

I am skeptical of anyone who claims to have a "perfect" relationship. You have to be hurt to really know how to love, and that's a lesson I'm still learning, and will be learning for a long, long time. Let me tell you, it sucks more than anything I can imagine. I hate every minute of it, but I know I am meant to brave through this muck to become the woman I need to be.

People have asked me, what is it that draws you to Christianity? There are many things, but here's a big one: the fact that God uses broken, jacked up people to do amazing things. In other religions, you have to prove yourself worthy to have a position of leadership, but the God of the Bible doesn't wait for us to clean up our act before doing miracles in our lives.

Anyone who says that Christianity is all about condemnation and rules has clearly never read scripture. Sarah doubted God's ability to give her a son in her old age, but it was through her offspring that her and Abraham's descandents were "as numerous as the stars." David committed adultery and murder but was refined through repentance and included in the lineage of Christ. The bible is full of screw-ups and low-lives and people who lived on the fringes of society, yet so many of them were used in God's plan of salvation. Because of that, I'm learning that there's really nothing we can do to thwart our ability to be used for the greater good.

I can believe what I say in these posts when I take a little time out of my busy days to get my head on straight and reflect on the truth, but most of the time I feel weary and frustrated and I lose patience so quickly. I suffer from lack of privacy/quiet time and lack of sleep. I hate how deceptive my feelings are; I'm still longing for a deep, consistent joyfulness regardless of how crappy my circumstances might be. I need to fully believe that the truth doesn't change even if my environment does...and even if I do learn that here, I'll probably forget as soon as I return to Ohio.

Best friends and epic mountains, an awesome combination.

And...

The official LT Christians-raised-Jewish club (very exclusive). The hand signal is supposed to be a menorah, even if it looks more like elk antlers. This crazy little group has shown me that God really wants me to be here. You just can't find relationships like these anywhere else :D