Something has changed within me

I've figured out that when three unaffiliated people give me the same advice in one day, that's a sign that I really need to listen (assuming it's actually good advice, anyway).

The advice: To step outside my comfort zone with sharing my "life story" in hopes that it will help other people who may have the same struggles, but are too afraid to talk about them.

I've listened to seminars from people who seem to be talking to me personally. In particular, there was a women's retreat that I went on earlier this year where a woman talked about her struggle to leave an emotionally, physically, and spiritually destructive relationship. Our stories weren't exactly the same, but nonetheless it struck a chord in me because I was experiencing something very similar. Never again will I ever feel depleted from losing someone who was once my everything.

Her story convicted me, and I could not have known that within a week of hearing it, I would be in a position where I would have to put to action the lessons that she taught me. She was an encouragement when I was suffering silently, and that's what I realized I need to do for other people, even if it requires uncovering painful memories I'd rather forget.

I'm not the best at handling changes, drama, or any kind of life-altering events. My first instinct is to rebel. I usually take my frustration out in my journal and on my hair (I'm currently rocking a reddish-black color that is the darkest it's ever been, and it looked a little scary at first, but it shines purple in the sun and now I kinda like it). Handling change in more mature, rational ways is just one of my many goals for this summer.

I think there's a lot of unspoken competition among people to see who has the greater sob story. It sounds completely insane to brag about how much one has suffered in the past, yet people do it because it shows just how strong and brave they are. I've met some Christians who feel inadequate compared to people with testimonies like that because it makes their own seem less interesting and inspiring.

I don't know exactly what counts as a "sob story" because you really can't compare the suffering of other people (and "suffering" is a term I use loosely because, well, who am I to say what really hurts and what doesn't?). There is a lot of pain in my story, but I'm determined not to dwell on it. I'm praying that I will be convicted to share whatever is necessary to let another lonely girl know she's not the only one.

While I normally don't mind talking about myself (snicker, snicker) this time is going to be different. Please pray for me.

I wish I could end every day sitting on a wrap-around porch gazing at sunsets, listening to Phil Wickham's "You're Beautiful." It's one of those rare moments when it's okay to feel small and insignificant...

...because God is bigger than any challenge I will face, any feeling of inadequacy, and every major disappointment. Every day here is different, and I love it. I never want to go back.
Especially when I have an amazing job that lets me goof around...

...and drink bottomless amounts of coffee with my insane but lovable coworkers:

I get paid to do all that, and make the occassional necklace/bracelet/earring set for customers. I also get to schmooze and spin around on rolly chairs. You can't get paid for anything better than this!