Off-the-market author on developing single characters

I've arrived at that strange turning point between perpetual adolescence and adulthood: my high school friends are getting engaged, some are having kids (or getting engaged after having kids). Since I myself am not there yet, it will be a while before I start writing any stories about women who are married or have kids. Imagination notwithstanding, I'm a fan of writing only what I know, for now. Never mind that "what I know" is constantly changing.

I've longed for a book that chronicles the life of a single twenty-something that doesn't make her a modern Cinderella, or a Sex and the City character. If such a book exists (and I'm sure it does somewhere), I've never read it, hence why I'm writing one. The idea of a 21st-century single woman evokes an image of Bridget Jones awkwardness, Zooey Deschanel adorable-ness, and Carrie Bradshaw promiscuity in my mind. I want a character who has fallen in love with the wrong person, made some mistakes, but doesn't want to be defined by them, or be consumed with molding herself into someone who's perfect for a man she hasn't met yet.

Not surprisingly, I'm writing about what my own life was like for most of college. But once I got the idea for this novel (the working title is "Public Displays of Convention"), I couldn't help but wonder: who will believe this story? I wonder this because the author has been in a relationship for the last year and a half. Still, I can't help but remember the countless times when older women reached out to me at the lowest points of my singlehood, when I'd hit rock bottom and felt like I'd be alone forever. They tried to encourage me, and I'd think bitterly to myself, You can't help me. You're happily married; you can't possibly remember what it was like to be where I am now. 

Well, I still remember very well. It wasn't too long ago -- barely two years, actually -- when I sincerely believed I'd be single for the rest of my life. Not because God told me so, but because I didn't think anyone would want me. Now I know I was wrong, but that doesn't mean I can't empathize with the pain of not knowing if it's meant to happen.

I don't want to create a character who gets a happy ending, though. I've read plenty of novels that do have happy endings, and enjoyed them immensely, but for the purpose of this book I think such an ending would be irresponsible. Why? Because I've learned that relationships are not a cure for whatever self-esteem issues exist before a relationship starts. The habits formed as a single person won't disappear the moment you meet the love of your life. I don't want to perpetuate the lie that true happiness and fulfillment can only be found if you're in a romantic relationship, a message that's not-so-subtly implied by 99% of all chick flicks. It's simply untrue.

Not to mention, the expression "work on becoming the kind of person you want to end up with" is misleading. You don't want to fall into the trap of becoming the best person you can be for the sole purpose of attracting a significant other. No, you should focus on becoming your best self, FOR yourself!

So while I'm still a full-time grad student, and have a lot of responsibilities on my plate without taking on the task of writing a new novel, I'm doing it anyway, while the memories of trying to live "productively single" are still fresh in my mind. It saddens me how so many people essentially waste themselves on the myth of "you complete me." Without being preachy, I want this book to drive home the point that worth is something we're already born with, not something to wear on a ring finger.