Keeping calm and writing on

Being published is something that's hard to talk about without sounding like a pretentious snot. But I digress: the reason it sounds snotty is because most people don't understand just how much the industry has changed. With the invention of e-books, especially, publishing is now easier than ever. Writing something worth reading is another issue altogether. Snooki from Jersey Shore can ghost write a book that sells three million copies after being on a shelf for fifteen minutes, but twenty years from now, no one will be discussing it in their book clubs.

Inevitably, those who know me will find out I'm a writer. When they do, they'll sometimes ask one of my big pet peeve questions:

"Have you written anything I might have read?"

If only the literary world were that small.

At the same time, being published in any form is still noteworthy. It means you've put yourself out there to be admired and/or criticized, and there's no way to know for sure how your work will be received. Still, knowing what I know now about publishing, how companies like Amazon produce thousands of e-books every day by virtual unknowns like me who all dream of winning Pulitzer (so I assume), it's hard for me to accept the compliments. Or maybe I'm too hard on myself.

I'm proud of what I've accomplished, but I've learned something else about the phenomenon of seeing your name in print: it doesn't last. To use an extreme analogy, it's like winning a Grammy, but then listening to a song that one of your contenders wrote, and thinking to yourself Damn, I wish I'd written that. There's competition and petty jealousy in the writing world like there is in any other.

I'm in the middle of a friend's novel right now, also self-published, and this was my first thought after reading the first few chapters: This is so legit, totally something Barnes & Noble would sell, and my books read like a highschooler's creative writing project. That's not to say that Halo Publishing did a bad job; I'd highly recommend them for anyone looking into self-publishing. What I'm criticizing instead is my choice to self-edit (bad idea!), and my writing style itself. Panic strikes at odd moments: will a serious reader take my work seriously?

I know it's futile to think like that. Even the best of the best (according to the New York Times) get dismissed as poo on paper by handfuls of critics on Amazon. That's the biggest reason why being published is admirable: critics, especially anonymous ones online, can be mean. I haven't gotten much of it yet, but if I take this job seriously, then it will happen. No amount of editing, and no impressive publishing label will prevent that. You can't please everybody.

I'm reading this book right now (yes, I perpetually read more than one book at a time, and I'm in grad school!) called Why We Write. It's a collection of essays from various authors on why they do what they do even when the inspiration is lacking, the rejection letters keep mounting, and they question their own talent. For the moments I get trapped in thinking I'll finally feel like a talented writer when I publish a best-seller, this book is bringing me back to earth. Writing just for money is pretty much a guarantee that you won't make any. Being "good" is irrelevant (and completely subjective). I write because I believe in my work, and really, that's all that matters.