Three days and 1300 miles later, I have finally arrived in glorious Colorado!! And today, after finishing all my unpacking and driving my mother to the airport, I made my first "pilgrimage" of sorts back to Estes Park, where I spent my summer last year. Unfortunately, I didn't plan it very well, as the weather no longer looks as promising as it did when I first got here. So while I have satisfied my Kind Coffee withdrawal, I may not make it back to the Y today. But, there are 11 more days before my semester begins. So perhaps another day...
At no other time did I think to myself "SB, you're not in Ohio anymore" than when I made the drive up here. After picking out the perfect playlist and setting my cruise control to 80, it was just me and mountains, mountains, mountains for two glorious hours.
Oh, did I mention there were lots of mountains?
Almost immediately, I felt something close to that freedom I've been craving for so long. Hope feels real again...it's something I don't quite know how to explain, except that it's way more than a fleeting feeling of happiness. It makes me realize just how necessary all the spiritual and emotional stretching of last summer was.
Still, it feels strange to be back here again. There are lots of memories here, and not all of them good. But what is waiting for me here is much preferable than what I am leaving behind (everything but the people I love most in Ohio, that is). I look down at my "Choose Joy" tattoo, my souvenir from the last time I was here, and realize that I am a different kind of "joyful Christian" than what the culture projects. The joy that I am discovering is far from a light, bubbling over kind, though I do have that from time to time.
On a normal day, the joy I have is more of a quiet, contemplative sort. It's not loud, it's not boastful, or immediately visible. Another thing I don't quite have words to explain. I can offer one analogy: the feeling you get after eating a warm bowl of soup on a cold winter day; a calming, settling feeling. Maybe that's a tad cliche, but it's all I can come up with for now.
The more I see of this place, the more profoundly aware I am of how much I've been blessed. I have a beautiful condo for the amazing price of $300 a month; I have an awesome roommate with two precious kitties I am quickly learning to love (even if it makes me miss my own kitty in Ohio that much more). I haven't been here a week, yet I already have a job. While I'm slightly afraid of how I'll keep up with the academic rigor of grad school, I feel much more at peace now than I ever have before. Life is surprisingly good. I'm almost afraid to put it in writing because I'm very superstitious, but the more days pass by, the more I see that it's true. It's okay to actually admit it every once in a while!
Sooner or later, I will post some pictures. In the meantime, I'm going to wait out this rain from the haven of Estes Park's best coffee house and catch up on some more writing.
Sarahbeth Caplin, How easy it is when everything goes right! Fast cars, kitties, roomates, a coffee supply, airplanes, joy, mountains, room mates, the speed and the wind in the hair! So pleasing to know that this is all possible in the U.S.A., even Colorado land of the last stand. Area 51 is over in that district or zone isn't it? I'm sure there is a mountain with the you-know-what buried under it. Can elevated feeling be at all times held on to? Signed, Professor Brains, Doctor of Thinking.
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