Sarahbeth Caplin: Down and out is overrated

Each of these mini revelations probably deserve individual blog posts of their own, but if I don't blurb about them now, I'll forget, so here we go:

I have learned that the likelihood of finding a relationship has more to do with motives than what you look like or what kind of personality you have (face it, if the world's fattest man can get married at 1500 pounds, your appearance isn't keeping you from getting any dates, I'm positive). The more that people, and particularly women, view significant others as a means to complete themselves, the more they will whine and complain about being lonely and unfulfilled. If we looked at life partners as more like complements rather than consolation prizes or easy access to gratification, the better chance 80% of us would actually find one.

Not every difficult person is a terrible person by default. The person who got the evil eye from me at Starbucks from talking loudly on his cell phone probably thinks I go through every day of my life with a giant stick up my butt. And okay, sometimes I'm made aware that that's true. I've mentioned before that patience is not my strong suit. However, if I don't want to be judged as a bitchy person every time I lose my cool and slip up, I can't look at every difficult customer that comes into the Craft Shop as permanently awful people either.

This is the coping mechanism that has gotten me through many a difficult misunderstanding with someone who seems like they only want to cause trouble: maybe he/she just got laid off. Maybe he/she just found out his/her boss is having an affair with his/her secretary. Maybe the fact that we are out of purple glass beads was the last straw that made them snap. Sometimes you never know. And the more I pray to have patience, the more opportunities I get to practice patience. Go figure.

You have to face pain if you want your life to count for something. Quite honestly, I am astounded by people who have no problem trusting God despite knowing innocent people were brutally killed in a shooting in Norway, tornadoes destroyed homes in Joplin, and innocent people get hit by drunk drivers, but the moment something bad happens to them personally, all faith and goodness in God or humanity goes out the window.

Why are people shocked by suffering? Sh!t happens. That's just how it is. And yet so many people go through life as if they're somehow immune to it. These are character-building events. And why do some people try to comfort themselves and others by saying there is no rhyme or reason for it? How is anyone comforted and able to learn anything by asserting the ultimate meaninglessness of whatever the bad experience was? "There was no reason behind this tragic accident, you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sucks to be you." Most people wouldn't respond so bluntly, but that is the reality behind what they are saying. No wonder so many people give up on God, it just takes too much effort to look beyond tragic circumstances and find what can be learned and even gained from suffering.

You don't become refined and thick-skinned by having everything handed to you. And some crap things that happen lead to awesome things that could never have happened otherwise. I've met two women here that I bonded with by sharing our stories of a mutual tragedy. They are encouraging me in ways not many people have been able to. Which leads me to this point...

Healing doesn't happen immediately because it isn't supposed to. Those aforementioned women have reached a place where they have found true joy again. But it's been several years since their initial struggle started. It's barely been a year for me. As much as I prefer otherwise, I know I won't return to Ohio a completely healed person. But I've made some baby steps toward progress, and that's a huge accomplishment.