Modesty is not a "woman's problem"

A friend of mine posted this article on modesty on Facebook recently. It's a timely article, since bikini season has just begun. As a woman and a Christian, I understand the point that this writer is trying to make: as a kindness to our male brothers in Christ, we ladies should cover up to keep them from lusting after our exposed bodies. That's a message I was given as a college student in Bible study, and didn't think to question it. But now I wonder...

Why aren't more women offended by the notion that modesty is a problem exclusive to our gender?

I brought this up once at dinner while on a church retreat. I was sitting at a table with half a dozen other women, and somehow the issue of modesty came up. We talked about the double standards at play: how women are lectured to cover up so the guys don't go crazy, but no one seems to care about telling guys to pull up their pants or put on T-shirts at the pool. Are men the only ones who get visually stimulated?

Because I lack a mental filter, I spoke up and added my no-cents: "There's this one guy who goes to our church, and I've seen every pair of boxers he owns. And no, we're not dating!" It took me a few seconds to realize why everyone was looking at me funny. But, my point stands (when taken in context): as far as I know, no staff member told this dude to pull his pants up a few inches to spare the ladies a lust-fest.

But this post isn't to remind the Church that women have libidos too: it's about why modesty is important in the first place. If you read the article above, the author makes a big deal about pointing out that women need to "be kind" to their brothers in Christ by wearing more fabric at the beach. Clearly, she's never heard of the expression "Less is more."

How do magazines like Maxim and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, which show just-barely covered models, stay in business when there's magazines like Playboy to compete with? Not to mention, naked women are at our disposal these days, thanks to the internet. But some guys (so I've been told) like to use their imaginations. And as long as the imagination can function, does it really matter whether a girl is wearing a bikini or a scuba suit?

The article fails to take into consideration that lust is a heart issue, not a clothing issue. Men are capable of lusting equally after women in bikinis and woman in burquas. There are far more convincing reasons to encourage young girls to embrace modesty, without shaming them into believing that their bodies are shameful stumbling blocks. I don't want to preach about the Christian stance on modesty -- we've all heard it, to some degree -- so I'll just share why I choose to embrace modesty:

I choose modesty because I believe my body has worth. I want to be selective about who I allow to see it. I choose modesty because, to an extent, my choice of clothing says something about my character. It's why I dress up for job interviews instead of showing up in pajamas (Don't read too much into that statement, though. I am not saying that women who dress provocatively have poor character. And any guy who whistles at a woman and expects to get sex from her because she's wearing a low-cut shirt is a toolbag).

Bottom line: I'm modest out of respect for myself and the body God gave me. I am not modest for the sake of other guys. Contrary to what that blogger says, I am not responsible for the choices they make. Did anyone ever consider how maybe men give in so easily to lustful fantasies because we set low standards for them to aspire to? It's not *just* about biology.

It's deeply saddening to see young girls buying into the idea that modesty is some kind of punishment, simply because the features we are born with are deemed attractive by the opposite sex. Not only that, but this line of thinking contributes to the idea that "men can't help themselves," which is a common excuse used to justify rape.

That blogger wants to talk about the huge "sacrifice" she's making by not wearing two-piece bathing suits; seriously? Let's talk to the men to "sacrifice" turning their heads around to stare, shall we?

Women deserve better than that. Modesty is not our problem.