I was shocked when one of my close friends decided to cut off her waist-length hair last week. A few other friends and I even helped her do it. She wanted to donate it, but that wasn’t the main reason for cutting it. Because her hair was one of her most attractive features, she felt it was becoming a source of too much pride in her life. She didn’t want her beauty to be defined by her outside appearance. Instead, she wanted her identity and confidence to come from her relationship with God. Now her hair is about an inch long, and for the first time in years you can tell what color eyes she has.
I felt like the vainest person on the planet when I heard her explanation. My own hair has been a source of both pride and frustration for, well, my entire life.
Being ridiculously thick and naturally curly, I straighten it on a regular basis, taking an hour out of my time to force it to be something that it’s not. While not many of us would say someone is beautiful or ugly based on the quality of hair alone, no one can dispute how much impact it has on one’s outer appearance. I’m sure many women can vouch for feeling insecure on days when they feel they could be a contender for a “World’s Biggest Frizzball” contest. With so much emphasis on “red-carpet” hair in most shampoo commercials and women’s magazines, it’s no wonder how much impact hair can have on self-esteem.
Even though she looks vastly different now, my friend isn’t any less beautiful than she was before. She challenged me to reconsider how I define my own standards of beauty and how much my identity and character can make up for anything I perceive as a flaw. I have known many drop-dead gorgeous women who prove themselves ugly as soon as they open their mouths and start trash-talking people. I’ve also known many women who don’t measure up to the American standard of beauty but are some of the most beautiful people I know because of their compassion for others and strong sense of self.
I know how easy it is to internalize the “beautiful on the inside” mentality and quickly forget it when you wake up convinced that if only you had hair like X, you’d be a lot happier. Placing one’s confidence in tangible things will always result in downfall. It’s easy to think that those we consider to be beautiful probably don’t have insecurities about their appearance. However, I’m pretty sure the average person doesn’t give a crap if you ran out of hair gel but cares more about how you treat them.
I doubt I’ll ever be brave enough to shave my head to really understand this concept, but I’m glad my friend has reminded me that who we are doesn’t change even if our appearances do.
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